Addicted

I wrote this a few months ago while I was doing a week-long "electronic fast."  In other words, a week of no movies, television, Facebook, texting, etc.

Wow, this is already incredibly difficult, and it's only the end of my first day.  I've basically come to terms with being without Facebook, movies and TV, but texting's been hard.  I'm so addicted.  The idea of that, that I might actually be addicted to something is a hard one to accept.  I think to myself, 'Addicted?  Doesn't that imply that I'm an - oh, to even bring myself to say the word - addict?'  I guess so.  'But wait,' I ask myself, 'isn't that word generally reserved for hardcore druggies and alcoholics?  You know, bad people?  Not me, right?  How could that even be possible?'  But it is.  I've let myself do something so often and habitually that it has actually become an addiction.

The dictionary defines addiction as "the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming...to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma."  Wow.  Enslaved?  As in, slave?  I'm a...slave to texting?  Well if that's not sobering, I don't know what is.  My texting really does match up with every other part of that definition too.  Psychologically or physically habit-forming?  Check.  Its cessation, or cutting off, causes severe trauma?  Double check.

I feel like a drug addict going through withdrawal today to be completely honest with you.  I can't stop thinking about the people I want to text, and keep looking at my phone thinking of how I could possibly text them without breaking my fast early.  And obviously, that's impossible.  But it doesn't keep me from thinking about it.  Constantly.  Honestly, until I just sat down to write out some of my thoughts right now, I couldn't get my mind off it.

When I think about this, and examine the situation at hand more closely, I realize that on the days when I'm not fasting and therefore texting my butt off, I waste an incredible amount of time.  What is so important that I just need to talk to people about it right then?  It takes away from my time with God, which if I am again being completely honest, has been rather lacking in these past few weeks.  Because, really, who can concentrate on spending time with Jesus when their phone is buzzing every few minutes?  Certainly not me, I'll tell you that much.  And just as a side note, my phone just vibrated and my face, if I could have seen it, must have just lit up at the prospect of a received text message, even with the knowledge that I would be unable to answer it.

But back to the main idea.  Fasting my texting habit today really showed me how much more time I have when I'm not so distracted.  No constant checking of Facebook, no wasting an hour watching House, and, of course, no texting.  I got my homework done in record time, and subsequently had what seemed like "nothing to do."  No one to text, no Facebook to check, no TV to watch.  What could I possibly do?  It's too early yet to go to bed, and it's too cold and dark outside to go for a walk.  But, uhh, duh.  Why am I fasting?  Well, really, why do I do anything in my life?  Obvious, cliché, Christian answer coming, so prepare yourself.  Jesus Christ.  So why don't I give that pure, undiluted, undistracted time to Him?  So here I go.  Wish me luck.  It could be a long night.